© 2006 dayv. some rights reserved.
Defining the concept of friend is a difficult one to do. It encompasses so many different areas of one’s existence that it is difficult to specify certain qualities which a friend must possess. Alternatively, one would find it much simpler to begin by defining which characteristics are shared by those who are considered outside the group labeled as "friends". After excluding all of the non-friends, one is left with a certain subset which may be considered as being suitable to be possible friends. And one may specify who amongst that most narrow subset is actually considered a friend. We may then, use those people to define the qualities which the "friend" group offers the individual.
Those we must first exclude are those who are not love known to the individual. While some may consider celebrities or those whom are known for a short period to be included in their circle of friends, we may hardly consider these people to be true friends. The former are not even known to the individual and the later should be considered little more than acquaintances. Friends, too, are acquaintances, but make up a smaller group of acquaintances who are known at a more personal level. The standard acquaintance group is primarily made up of those passed at work or those whom are related to on a superficial level at school, and amongst those one may find his or her true friends.
To the author, being a friend means being available to the individual on a personal level; to be able to assist the friend with any of life’s daily struggles. Over the past five years, the author’s list of friends has changed tremendously over the past five years. Some of those who were once included only in the acquaintance category have since been moved to the friend group, and vice versa. Through moving across the country and beginning college away from his normal "stomping grounds", the author has made large additions to his friend category and several of the previous friends have been moved into the acquaintance category due to the limited exposure he has to them. There are a few family members who are included in the friend subset, but these are immediate family members as they live with the author and are available to him nearly all the time. The author’s extended family lives at quite a distance and is generally unreliable.
The author is able to keep his friendships strong because many of those he considers friends are frequently met with. Generally, those friendships which are challenged by ideological differences tend to fade away the fastest. After that, distance and differing lifestyles can be important contributing factors to relationships fading into mere acquaintances. The author has been able to keep this from occurring because he makes a conscious effort to maintaining the friendships he has obtained.
The author’s support group consists of people in a wide variety of social circles. This is most a consequence of his friendships spanning a large geographic area. By maintaining a many of the friendships he has had over the past several years, he has been able to extend himself, much like the branches of a tree, and capture additional friendships through his other friends, as leaves capture sunlight through the extending network of branches.
The author has found that the best friendships, those friendships with the most meaning and purpose, are those that are not based on a selfish desire for something out of the friendship, but a mutual desire for the other’s company or companionship. The former mentioned friendships seemed to fail as quickly as they begin, and when they do beat the odds and continue, at least one, if not both of the participants, begin to feel resentful towards the other one as they only have a superficial or material need met. The emotional needs of the participants are not met and therefore these unsatisfying relationships are doomed to fall apart.